90% of puts that are short don't go in. - Yogi Berra
The piratical "Arrrr!" was invented by the actor Robert Newton for his role as Long John Silver in the 1950 film of Treasure Island. It was a (bad) imitation of a West Country accent. Maritime Pidgin English, to give it its grown-up name, is celebrated every September 29 on International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Bobby Jones (1902-1974)
"Nobody ever swung a club too slowly."
“The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two.”
“You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.”
“Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course...the space between your ears.”
“Bad putting is due more to the effect the green has upon the player than it has upon the action of the ball.”
"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realise it."
“The rewards of golf, and of life too I expect, are worth very little if you don't play the game by the etiquette as well as by the rules.”
“No man ever will have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps that is why golf is the greatest of games.”
“The moment the average golfer attempts to play from long grass or a bunker or from a difficult lie of any kind, he becomes a digger instead of a swinger.”
"The toughest opponent of all is Old Man Par. He's a patient soul who never shoots a birdie and never incurs a bogey. And if you would travel the long road with him, you must be patient too."
"The main idea in golf, as in life I suppose, is to learn to accept what cannot be altered and to keep on doing one's own reasoned and resolute best whether the prospect be bleak or rosy."
“I will tell you privately it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse all the time, but don't fret. Remember, we play the ball where it lies, and now let's not talk about this, ever again.”
I do not let a bad score ruin my enjoyment for golf.
The longest golf course in the world is the par 77 International Golf Club in Massachusetts which measures a fearsome 7,600 metres.
The highest golf course in the world is the Tactu Golf Club in Morococha, Peru, which sits 4,380 metres above sea level at its lowest point.
The longest golf hole in the world is the 7th hole (par 7) of the Sano Course at the Satsuki Golf Club in Japan. It measures an incredible 831 metres.
The largest bunker in the world is Hell's Half Acre on the 534 metre 7th hole of the Pine Valley Course in New Jersey.
The largest golfing green is that of the 635 metre, 5th hole, a par 6 at the International Golf Club in Massachusetts, with an area in excess of 2,601 square metres.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?' No, I had to stop drinking years ago, 'the homeless man replied.
'Will you use it t o go fishing instead of buying food?' the man asked.' No, I don't waste time fishing, 'the homeless man said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?' the man asked. 'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless man. 'I haven't played golf in 20 years!'
'Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?' the man asked.' What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?' exclaimed the homeless man.
'Well, 'said the man, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.' The homeless man was astounded.' Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
The man replied, 'That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and women.'
Several men were in a golf club locker room.
A mobile phone rings.
"Yes I can talk," says the man answering the call, "You're shopping are you? That's nice."
The listening men smile to each other.
"You want to order those new carpets? Okay.. And they'll include the curtains for an extra five thousand?.. Sure, why not?"
More smiles among the listeners.
"You want to book that week on Necker Island?.. They're holding the price at twenty-two thousand?.. Sounds a bargain.. You want a fortnight?.. If that's what you want honey, okay by me."
Smiles turn to expressions of mild envy.
"And you want to give the builder the go-ahead for the new conservatory? Seventy-five thousand if we say yes today? Sounds fair.. sure, that's fine."
The listeners exchange glances of amazement.
"Okay sugar, see you later.. Yes, love you too," says the man, ending the call.
He looks at the other men and says, "Whose phone is this anyhow?.."
“A great shot is when you pull it off. A smart shot is when you don’t have the guts to try it.”
— Phil Mickelson -
I don't have a handicap, I AM a handicap. -Lyndon Johnson
"A tolerable course, a tolerable day, and a tolerable opponent supply all that any reasonably constituted human should require in the way of entertainment." - Arthur James
The driver swing speed of an average lady golfer is 100 kph.
154 kph for an average lady professional;
135 kph for an average male golfer;
174 kph for an average PGA Tour player;
210 kph for Tiger Woods;
240 kph for a national long drive champion
"Behaviour etiquette for bunkers should go into reverse. Players should be forbidden to smooth them in any way. The bunker should be the fearful place it once was, not the perfect surface from which a pro expects to float his ball out stone dead" - Michael Halls
Seniors' Golfers' Rule 302.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
It takes 14 kg of muscle to supply a typical golf swing. When you look for 14 kg of muscle on the average human body, you don’t find it in the arms or shoulders, but more in the thighs and hips.
If the clubface is a half-degree less than square to the ball, the ball can go off course by 20 metres.
The time of contact of the golf club head with the ball is 0.005 of a second.
Aerobically, golfers walk typically six to nine km in playing a round of golf.
Golf ranks fifth overall in rate of injuries among the top twenty sports played.
Back injury is the most common of all golf injuries, affecting about 50% of all golfers.
Amateur golfers grip their clubs tighter than the professionals, as much as three times tighter. The professional usually grips the club at 25 % of maximal force.
In the golf swing, the highest force on the spine occurs in the low back at the level of the 3rd and 4th lumbar vertebrae.
The force of a swing can generate a force of 6000 to 7500 Newton on the spine discs, enough force to cause a disc herniation.
The odds of a professional golfer sinking a hole-in-one in a single round are 3708 to 1.
The diameter of a golf ball is 4.267 cm, and the diameter of the hole is 4.25 inches (10.79cm).
Compared to moderate weather, on a hot day the drive will travel 3 metres further.
Compared to moderate weather, on a cold day the drive will land 2 metres shorter.
Keeping the ball and equipment warm in cold weather is important in driving distance. Of the two, keeping the ball warm is more important than the clubs.
Placing dimples on the golf ball allowed increased driving distances. Compared to a non-dimpled golf ball, similarly hit balls showed that a dimpled ball traveled a distance of 240 metres compared to the non-dimpled ball's 180.
Studies have shown that modern drivers have added 9 to 14 metres of distance for professional golfers compared to those from the early 1990’s, and over 27 metres more than a 1980 vintage driver.
Cavity back iron designs have made it possible to construct larger-headed irons with expanded sweet spots that weigh less than the smaller iron designs they replaced. This means that you can increase your swing speed, and at the same time, improve your accuracy.
Comparing hitting the ball similarly at sea level and at 5000 feet, such as Denver, would add 9 metres to a ball hit at this higher altitude.
Most recreational golfer reach a top speed too soon, as a result, the clubhead actually starts to slow before ball contact. Optimal results are to reach maximal speed at ball strike.
More than just golf buddies
This is not a golf joke, but what the heck.
I was playing in a tournament with three other golfers that I had not met before.
One of the other men had a temper problem, and would often swear and bang his club into the ground after a poor shot. After a few holes, his behaviour became very unpleasant.
At the par three eighth hole, he sliced his ball way off to the right, and in a tantrum, helicoptered his club into thick bush in the rough alongside the tee ground.
As his club disappeared out of sight into the bushes, one of the other competitors drily and calmly said “That club might be hard to find. You’d better throw a provisional”.
Life is like a Round of Golf
Life is like a round of golf
With many a turn and twist.
But the game is much too sweet and short
To curse the shots you’ve missed.
Sometimes you’ll hit it straight and far
Sometimes the putts roll true.
But each round has it’s errant shots
And troubles to play through.
So always swing with courage
No matter what the lie.
And never let the hazards
Destroy the joy inside.
And keep a song within your heart
Give thanks that you can play.
For the round is much too short and sweet
To let it slip away.
— Criswell Freeman